You got lots of the lingo down (did you serve by chance?) but the narrative needs work. I like the thrust of the story and where you’re going with it, but there are some elements that need fleshed out. Overall, not a bad story. Fits the theme of grim dark, and the main character makes it work with what he’s got giving you the “creative resources” bit. Needs some editing- which I think you can do before the timer is up. Love the pics of the minis. It’s apparent you do the hobby as the hobby is intended to be done- a fellow gamer after my own heart.