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I think you did a great job at picking the sounds, instruments, and rhythms needed to achieve the atmosphere you were going for! I could totally see this as a BGM for the scene you describe. I did find the track to be a tiny bit repetitive in the later half, maybe you could try varying the rhythms and notes of your main musical idea to make it more surprising and fun to listen to there?

Thanks! Yeah, you're right. I'm planning to maybe use this song on a game idea I have, so in future versions, I'll try to vary it a little bit more to make it less repetitive.