When your stomach hurts, you need to go poop.
© My mom, when I was 4 years old.
But seriously — I assume you’ve had this diagnosed by a professional and you’re not just making it up for attention, like quite a big part of the internet does...
In my opinion, having what you mentioned actually diagnosed is already a bigger victory than the quiet but certain defeat that maybe 80% of people on this planet live through
(that number’s made up, of course, but surely it’s the majority),
people who never even suspect they might have mental issues and can’t explain that persistent “weird” or “unknown” feeling that follows them in everything they do.
A good friend of mine once shared how he divided his life into stages: before knowing he had any mental issues, after starting to suspect it, after deciding to talk about it, and finally after starting therapy.
- Before knowing:
“Where’s the point in what I once called my life’s work? Everything stops being admirable, and what used to interest me suddenly shouldn’t... But to try something new, you need money — and making money doing something uninteresting just feels wrong...”
- After suspecting something’s up in his head:
“Maybe psychology is my life’s work? Theoretically, as long as I keep asking questions like that, it means I’m right — and if I ever stop, that means I’ve found a better answer. There’s no way to lose at that point.”
- After deciding to talk to a psychologist:
“Turns out I’ve got this and that — stuff I never even knew existed — and that surprised me, though at first it scared me... so much that I bought a psychology textbook :D”
- After starting therapy:
“At first, I was skeptical. But while studying psychology in my final semester, I wanted to combine the support, better mood, and confidence with practical experience — analyzing myself from every possible angle...
Well, my third degree, in Criminal and Investigative Psychology, turned out to be just as good a choice as the first two...”
I’m one of those who realized things late — but not thanks to my parents, who forced me to study and think logically. I’m still trying to make up for lost youth, avoiding what we might call ‘obstacles’ in different ways.
Even though I know perfectly well that I really need a psychotherapist — and that, honestly, everyone does — I just can’t bring myself to go to some random person, listen, and follow their advice. It’s self-contradictory, I know, but I wouldn’t even know what to tell them.
What am I supposed to say? “This is my head. Inside is my brain. I think it’s sick — fix it.” That sounds insane.
Or: “Sometimes I code, and sometimes I hate it.” That’s 20 years of therapy trying to find a reason — and even the best therapist in the world would drain an infinite bag of money, because, well, you keep coming back for something.
I can’t explain it. Maybe my “realist” approach — seeing things exactly as they are and avoiding what I don’t understand — is a risk for me. So why should I leave my comfort zone?
Honestly, I couldn’t even stop myself from gambling, and now I’m down to my last 20k PLN — while 6 or 7 years ago, when it all started, it was over 300k...
I don’t even know why I wrote this message :D
But maybe someone will start thinking about something because of it — and those thoughts will help them someday :)
And to you, one question:
Do you ever force yourself to finish something you considered important yesterday — but today you’ve lost interest in, or it feels uncomfortable — even though the final result still looks beautiful in your imagination?
If yes — is it self-discipline, or medication?
And if it’s the latter, do you notice any long-term changes in yourself that you’d call negative?
If you read the whole thing — respect, and thanks :D
