itch.io

Hey! By that I was mostly referring to how the characters, Henry especially, talk about some things in a way that makes it feel like they don't have a lot of life experience (the conversation about hobbies, for example). There are big and small things in the voices as well – some word choices, like how often he says "stuff", and some individual lines that don't feel like the most prototypical old man talk to me. More subtly, I think there's a disconnect with how Henry's emotional state is depicted: he's prone to outbursts and yelling, obviously not respecting Nick's authority in this situation, but simultaneously timid and apologetic, using the word "sorry" a lot ("Sorry but how will tea help my son's case?"). On the whole, this behavior reads as somewhat youthful to me. I would guess you were trying to set up some of the wild drama that takes place later, but I think there's still room to make the characters come off as older and more experienced in line with what's said about them.