Let me begin by saying that I respect the ambition a lot. The production values are ridiculously high; it's really just an insane amount of art to be made in a month even with a big team, and all of it is very good. The flipside: it's maybe not surprising that the jam build ended up with a lot of unfinished assets, and if I had been the game's producer, I would probably have instructed the team to aim a little lower and focus on getting the essentials done first. Still, it's all good work even in this state – the art direction feels cohesive, and the only real polish nitpick I have is that the UI isn't the most user-friendly with the text box's near-transparent background and the buttons disappearing in the art sometimes.
The writing I'm less enthusiastic about, unfortunately. The big thing is the pacing: it feels like the story is constantly struggling to catch up with itself, bombarding the reader with long flashbacks and lines that bluntly explain what a character is feeling or what they think about something. I was smelling trouble when we open in the 1904 story, jump almost immediately to a flashback, and then have the protagonists exposit their backstories at each other in it. It's context overload: the story spends more time on explaining itself than happening. The action climax and the epilogue, for example, feel so fleeting compared to how many words we spend on getting there.
And even then, some of the plot's twists and turns feel like they're trying to play off of setup that's not strong enough. Consider this line: "The legendary Nathaniel Hemlock, finally broken wide open. A crack in the strong man facade he had so carefully built to protect himself." It's kind of hard to take this as a big, transformative character moment when most of what we get of the core duo and their relationship is the long sex scene – the facade just wasn't really ever there for the reader to see. (Also, I think this is the kind of thing you don't have to say in the narration if the story succeeds at conveying it implicitly!)
I think the most cliche feedback to give would be "show, don't tell" – or even "kill your darlings" in that there are elements like Cormac's part of the love triangle that I'd happily lose in favor of more time with the stuff that really matters – but what I'm drawn towards is the fabula/syuzhet distinction. The story, its plot beats, and its character arcs make perfect sense on paper, but the pacing is just too brutal, and the structure is organized around filling in backstory rather than letting scenes be propelled by the momentum of their own drama. The sex scene stands out as a part that was allowed to breathe, I think, and it's written very well in general.